Friends, so called friends, ex friends, true friends and the new friends you meet
So it’s an hot topic I come across daily will I lose my friends if I go sober. Well this is so hard to answer as all friends are different. This is going on my experience alone. If were talking about your closest friends the ones you drink with every night in the pub then YES. So whys this, well they’re the friends you drink with the ones that call you up, text you when its time to go to pub. Text you when work day is nearly over and say are you calling in for one. The ones you plan the weekend around, what we doing Saturday are we on an all day’r Sunday. All these are situations you will resinate doing with your friends. These people will still be your friends yes they will via Facebook seeing them in street, they will always be there just not your closest.
Why is this I hear you ask
Well think about it, these friends are in the bubble of the drinking scene the one you belonged to once. But you’ve taken yourself away from that scene, you can’t exactly be in the pub every night if in recovery. So whilst these friends will always be there on Facebook some will support you but others will not. Why’s this well you was out every night with them you spent most of your free time with them. Now you’re gone your doing your own thing they don’t like that you used to be 100% committed to them. So some may take offence at you withdrawing from the group.
These will probably be the ones that say “why you stopping drinking.” “you’re boring now you don’t drink” “we never see you no more since you stopped drinking.” Reason you get all this is because they are still going every night to sit in the pub. spending nearly all weekend in the pub and you can’t. Whilst these words hurt and are strong don’t worry these texts and calls will go away. Because these friends will find others to drink with.
The problem is these were your closest of friends so in the early days this pull will really drain you. It can be so tempting to give in and go for that night out believing in your mind you won’t drink. The reality is your still in early days of recovery if that pull becomes too much you will slip up and have a drink. You really have to stay strong especially in the first 90 days. 90 days is a magic number where your mind will start to change away from wanting alcohol. If these friends are still wanting you around sober after 90 days they are true friends.
You will then be able to go back to the scene you was in before but alcohol free. They will respect you don’t drink no more and start to ask the questions. ” were you that bad.” also “wow look at you your looking amazing quitting booze has worked for you.” These people will still be doing there thing and enjoying like you once did but trust me as I found out. I wasn’t interested in it no more i’d rather be doing what now fulfils my life.
Where you going to meet these new friends. Well when I quit alcohol I joined http://www.oneyearnobeer.co.uk an online support group with 90 days of support emails to help quit booze. On here I’ve also got a new group of friends from all over the world. Its even taking me places to meet these guys. Places I’ve wanted to go to for many years. I’m going to Dublin, Spain, Places around uk and even had an offer to visit Canada. These offers are from people I only know online at minute but they could be real friends when I do meet them. The reason for all this is because we are quitting alcohol and have a common ground unlike your closest friends.
It doesn’t have to be online support groups where you meet new people. I’ve written bout it before how I’ve taken up running and fitness. Well this has taken me to meet new friends in the gym I know its only an hello or 20 minute chat but in time they might become friends outside of gym. I’m also looking into a running club local to me to join up and go training with. This club has over 150 members so I’m bound to get a friend base there. Now I know not all will be into fitness but it might be a walking club, knitting group, book club or a volunteering job. All great places to meet new friends.
Look I’m not saying that the friends you went to pub every night ain’t going to be your friends no more or you can’t go see them. They will always be there just you live a different life now. Look when you were drinking everyday or all weekend did you want to be around someone sober going on a canal walk or a training run. NO. Your new friends won’t always be the ones you can tell the most intimate things to. So you need those really close friends for that type of chat. Your going to meet lots of new friends trust me as you start this new journey of sobriety. So embrace it and rise above the negative comments at first as these will subside.
Good luck and I’m always here for a chat just comment on my post I try to reply to them all.