My Nightmare Week
The Week Thats Tested My Alcohol resolve
So whys this week been any different to any other week. Whys this week tested my alcohol resolve. Why has this week had me thinking about alcohol nearly 10 months into my recovery. Well its been a nightmare week where nothing has gone right whatever I have done to make it right. Hows its started and hows it got progressively worse and tempted me with thoughts of a cold beer. Well like a really bad version of a Craig David classic here we go.
Wake at 04:30am knowing that my lorry is in garage and need to be in early to pick it up. Long day ahead as this means I’m not loaded and also a driver is of so I’m covering his run. Manchester is second drop and I like to set off there early. Like before 06:30am as M62 motorway builds up heavy if not. We head up and I collect my lorry, tachograph card in and I’m on way to yard to load. I get loaded for 07:25am off I head to Manchester via Dewsbury. This is where it begins, lads won’t tip me till after 08:00am so I’m getting further into danger zone of M62 traffic build up. 08:20am I leave Dewsbury radio telling me that theres delays, great I think to myself all I need.
Between the broken down cars, a lorry which decided to use banking to stop and the traffic congestion. I arrive in Manchester 2 hours later, making a quick drop I’m soon back on my way to Sheffield. I make quick time and even mange to get that drop off and make services for my lunch 12:25pm. On way for for a freshness break I hear air coming from my engine unit nothing too unusual. Except for when I get back its still doing it this isn’t right, air leak on brakes. I phone it and get told do next two drops and take it into garage on way back.
I go make the first deliver drop all items off and head to my last drop. Checking paperwork at last drop this is when I know its not my day. I’ve only delivered an item for this customer to my last customer, luckily it can be sorted tomorrow. Not a best pleased manager with me though. I take lorry up to garage and when I get back to yard I receive jibes about my boo boo delivery. My head blows and I’m ready to throttle a co-worker. Luckily I held it and working day ends off home I head. Decide on an early night and once again set alarm for 04:30am so I can pick lorry up early.
As previous day I arrive at work for 05:45am. We head up to pick my lorry up from the garage. I go to my lorry turn the key and NOOOOOOO!!! error code on screen. I go tell mechanic that its got an error code and needs sorting. To which I get told oh its a nothing code its ok to take. I wasn’t happy to as of previous day when it wasn’t right. So I waited on a second opinion, when it came he said same. I take the lorry off site to do my daily checks, whilst doing this I notice I’ve no hazard lights. This is obviously not road worthy so I take it back in and let them know. You’ll have to leave it with us then, great I thought. So I get on phone to get picked back up. By time I get picked up and get back to yard its now 08:00am, another late start.
We load all my deliveries into a small van and off I go. Luckily this van is on hire and not speed limited. This means that I’m able to get round my drops a lot quicker and easier. Albeit the hassle of dragging worktops from back of van. The day is going pretty well now after the bad start. Ive managed to catch up and I’m heading back to yard early. I put the call in to say I’m finished and get told same vehicle tomorrow. Bonus as its my day to have my daughter so hopefully another early finish. I get back to yard load up my van and head off for a run.
I make conscious decision to rise early again. In I get and set off for deliveries. This turns out to be one of my calmest days this week. All my drops whilst spread out all over the county are pretty easy. I make great headway to point I decide on an early lunch. Decide to catch up on my social media OYNB. I finish my run off and head back to yard. When i get back I’m told my lorry has been picked up and a driver is out in it. So when he comes back load it and your in that tomorrow. This is what i do and I’m away for 15:30pm nice and early to go pick up my girl. We have a fun packed teatime, then once I took her home decided to go on another run.
I’m up early again. Although I’ve been on two runs I haven’t been to gym for a weights session. This was my plan get in, get done, get to gym. Oh no someone else had other plans. As I’m doing my daily checks on lorry I find I’ve got a flat tyre. We call for a tyre fitter but with it been only 06:00am they won’t be out till 08:00am earliest. Great I’m thinking someone up there is testing my resolve, see if I’m going to crack with alcohol. Nothing I can do but wait, fitter arrives at 08:30am. It’s 09:30am before he’s done, I’m then way, way behind for my deliveries.
I manage to get a good start and by lunch I’m halfway round. Second half of day is a bit tougher but I’m at my last drop for 16:00pm.I make it back for 17:10pm but stressed, tired and not in a great mood. I’ve already decided on my way back that a gym session isn’t best idea. I decide to head home get my tea down me early and catch up on some T.V.. I’m also trying to get this blog out there more so looked into areas I can improve and start this draft. Then head to bed early.
I decide on a little extra lie in. Lorry is loaded my delivery run isn’t massive surely nothing can go wrong today, can it??. Well yes but only a minor thing. One of other lorries hasn’t come back from garage so I’m asked to make an extra delivery. Its only a few miles from yard so its not too bad. Rest of day goes smoothly and a bonus when I arrived back in afternoon. With us been a lorry down mine was needed for weekend run. This meant I could finish earlier, bonus as I’m picking my little girl up. We have an amazing teatime once again and make our plans for weekend. She’s sleeping so lots of fun to be had here’s to a great weekend. So why am I posting this well.
As addicts especially with drink we make excuses to drink. Every single day of this week, in previous years would of meant this. I’ve had a crap day lets go get smashed. Someones got it in for me this week, I need a drink. Flat tyre I’m off to pub when I get back tonight. All these reasons I would of given myself for why I deserved a drink. Knowing what I know now none of them drinks would of helped. As following day when something else was wrong with lorry it’d be 100x worse hungover. Nothing would of been solved in the evening in pub it’d just make it easier to forget.
Problems will always happen when your sober just makes you face them head on. So what did I do instead of getting smashed. I went on two runs to clear my head, I’m in training for an half marathon. I took the conscious decision’s to have early nights to ease stress. All this is how you deal with things now. The problems we all have won’t go away now your sober, they just hurt more as you have to deal with them. Everyday this week I have to admit this tested my alcohol resolve. It was just that I had to tell myself, it won’t solve anything it’ll make it worse.