Growing up

No not another blog about my life growing up. A blog about growing up these past 12 months.

Where I was 12 months ago

Just a little over 12 months ago I’d done a lot of growing up. I’d reached 12 months sober and life was becoming great for me. I’d really started living a life of the true me I believed. The thing was when I quit drinking in June 2016 I made a pact with myself. It was to rid myself of all the dating sites I frequented and to find out about myself. If I wanted to be able to take on someone else’s emotions I needed to learn more about mine.

I really started to do that and post 12 months I started to listen to Tony Robbins. It got me to work on my negative emotions why I had them. Also how to work out my limiting beliefs which were holding me back in my previous life. It taught me that I needed to not settle for anything less than what I wanted. No matter how unreasonable they might seem right now, if that’s what you want it’ll come just don’t settle for less.

What were my limiting beliefs before

In past I’d just settled for a quick fix anybody who could just stop me from been lonely. They never worked as once I’d got a sense of happiness back I’d throw them to one side and go back to my drinking. See I never wanted anyone to get in the way of my drinking. If it started to feel like the person was wanting to get serious with me I broke the relationship off. As I knew from my past this would hinder my drinking time.

Another of my limiting beliefs was trust. I could never trust anyone all past partners seemed to lie about things to me. Or they’d cheat on me after a few months which gave me a sense of mistrusting anyone. As I wrote in can you date whilst getting sober. I decided to put up the iron wall and shut out all my emotions and not date for a year. which I managed in fact I got to nearly 18 months I was quite content, then out of blue this happened.

Since meeting my rock

I put a random post on Team Sober about running coaching. I got one reply which changed my life. It was from Claire my now partner. She replied although I want to start running I can’t afford it right now. It was a smoke screen to start chatting to me. It worked and we’re now together. Since meeting my rock in November things started to change over them limiting beliefs. Claire believes in me and all I do and want to do in my life. I believe all this helps because we both don’t drink, but also that we’ve both been hurt in the past. Meaning we both know how each other wants treating, and what each one deserves.

We’ve been together now nearly 12 months and not once have we had an argument or raised words. You may think this is normal but not in our previous lives. Arguments were a common theme, we have had discussions about massive things but never argued. See we decided from day one that we lay it all on the table and always speak up if we’re not happy with a decision. Then we talk about it like adults not screaming kids, and come to a rationale compromise.

Starting to wear big boy pants

As a couple we’ve quickly fallen in love. We both know we’ve found the right person in each other. This has meant though that I’ve had to start wearing big boy pants. See in past I’ve always just gone with the flow and lived a very easy life. This also made it easy for me to have my life of drinking which I enjoyed for many a year up to 2016. In past 11 months though I’ve made some big changes.

I’ve got rid of my outstanding debt and started to make plans to create a life for myself and Claire. This has meant making a decision as to where we will live together. As you know I’m from the north but Claire is 200 miles away in the south. This meant one of us had to give, although I’ve my daughter in the north I’m going to make the move. I told my ex partner and she says we will work out weekends to come see my daughter. I’m still to tell my daughter but I hope she’ll understand.

Preparing for the move and making big calls.

I’ve always lived with my parents, I only moved out for a brief time. That was when my daughter was born and for only 14 months. Until I returned home, I’m 37 years old and never paid a bill for anything other than a mobile phone. Then here I am planning on moving to another part of the country. Which leads me to say I’m delighted that we have found a wonderful home and the past few weekends I’ve, stripped and sanded a wooden floor, gutter a garden, stripped wallpaper, taken out a built in wardrobe.

This has also meant furniture shopping for me, something new to me. Looking at sofas, beds, carpets, kitchen designs and picture boards to choose our style. We’ve chosen shabby chic country house by the way. I’m giddy and excited although it will pain me leaving my daughter behind. Then yesterday feeling like a proper grown up I got to sort out some big boy stuff. I rang and got us a broadband deal and also went and sorted us a sky package. I is becoming a grown up finally as most of my family will say.

Thing I am most fearing

With me moving away that means leaving my daughter. As I’ve said in a lot of my blogs we’ve grown closer since I become sober. This last week I finally built up the courage to tell my ex partner that in the new year I’ll be moving to the south. To my surprise this went really well. She told me she had been expecting it. Which made me feel relieved, I said not to tell my daughter as I want to do that.

So now the fear of telling my ex partner has shifted to the fear of telling my daughter. I really don’t know how she will react, I’m hoping she will take it in her stride. She seems a very level headed young girl. A lot has changed in her life recently and she looks like she’s dealing with it really well. I hope she will take this news well and in future accept why I have made this choice.

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